


Family Weekend

by XaviaAndromedovna



Series: University of the North, Swift Current campus [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canada, Alternate Universe - College/University, Canon Trans Character, Coming Out, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Simmons' father is his own content warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23811448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XaviaAndromedovna/pseuds/XaviaAndromedovna
Summary: Grif is cleaning. If that weren't alarming enough, Grif's ex-girlfriend is in town, and so is Simmons' father. Clearly fake dating is the solution to this problem.
Relationships: Dexter Grif/Dick Simmons, Franklin Delano Donut/Lopez 2.0
Series: University of the North, Swift Current campus [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1358494
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	Family Weekend

Grif is deep-cleaning his and Donut’s dorm room.

Simmons watches his bo- best friend vacuum the carpet, 90% sure he’s woken up in a mirror verse and/or that the world is ending. “Uhhhhhh...”

“Simmons, thank God, can I borrow your joint oil? I need to air out the room but the window latch is stuck shut.”

Simmons takes in the particularly-unkempt hair, the sweat drenching his shirt, the tell-tale sterile smell of lemon, the lack of Donut holding a gun to Grif’s head yelling about self-care—he concludes that he has definitely left the Berenstain continuity. “I... sure? Hey Grif, uhh, not that I’m complaining, obviously, but—”

“Simmons,” Grif clips out. “You have full reign to make fun of me later. Right now, we need to make this place look inhabitable.”

Simmons sighs as he heads back to his room to get the oil. “I’ll go find some baking soda for the fridge.”

“Ooo, good call, I knew there was a reason I like you...” Simmons holds his breath while Grif backtracks “being around that is! It’s very convenient.”

“yepuhuhI’llberightback!”

Simmons rushes off to his room cursing his perpetual awkwardness. Usually hanging with Grif is the easiest thing in the world, mostly because Simmons is busy being eternally annoyed with his nonsense. But every once in a while something happens that upsets the familiar banter with something... else. He grabs the oil from the shelf and the box of baking soda in his own fridge—of the two of them he’s much more likely to actually go out and replace it.

He returns to see Donut and Grif arguing. “Dude, you promised!”

“I’m sorry, Lorenzo’s parents are visiting and I somehow got invited to dinner with them! I have to make a good first impression!”

“I _just_ organized the closet, and we both know you’re gonna cover the whole room with your outfit choices even though Dos gives exactly zero fucks.”

“Well I wouldn’t say _zero_ fucks—”

“Donut,” Simmons interrupts pointedly. “Why don’t you just grab your stuff and get ready in my room?”

Donut looks at him in surprise. “Seriously? You’d let me do that?”

Simmons leans into his ear and stage whispers. “Grif is cleaning. I’m doing this for the greater good.”

Donut hugs him with a squeal. “Thank you!!” He rushes into the room, grabs a bag, and sweeps his entire make-up shelf into it with one arm motion. He grabs as many hangers of clothes as he can and speed-walks to Simmons’ door.

Simmons puts the stuff he’s carrying down with a sigh. “I’ll be right back.”

“You’re a fucking lifesaver, man.”

“I’m onto you, Simmons,” Donut says with a sly grin when Simmons catches up with him.

“What do you mean?” Donut rolls his eyes and says nothing further when Simmons unlocks the door. Donut puts his things on Simmons’ bed then looks at him patronizingly.

“When are you gonna make an honest man out of Grif?”

“Excuse me?!”

Donut pats the spot next to him. “Get in bed with me.”

“What?! NO!”

Donut closes his eyes in embarrassment. “Not like THAT, just sit down.”

Simmons groans loudly but sits on his own damn bed which Donut seems to have claimed for his own. “What.”

“Do you know why Grif’s cleaning?”

“Because the world is ending and the catastrophic impact of climate change is too harrowing to fathom so he’s stress cleaning?”

“I—“ Donut starts before closing his mouth and staring off into space in bewilderment. After a moment, “do you wanna talk about it?”

“No...”

“He’s _cleaning_ because Katya’s coming to see him for family weekend.”

“ _WHAT?!_ Why??”

“Well actually she’s here to see her sister but she said she’s gonna stop by.”

“Wait who’s her sister?”

“Vera,” Donut says like he’s supposed to know who that is. At Simmons’ blank stare, Donut adds, “Ohio?”

“Oh really? Huh, small world.” Simmons had heard the stories of Grif’s first girlfriend, but he’s never had to deal with a Grif who actively has her in his life. It makes him feel... hmm. “I didn’t know they were still close.”

“Oh they’re not, their breakup was the stuff of telenovelas, and like a telenovela, the chances of her swooping in and stealing your man are really high so we need a strategy.”

“He’s not my...” Simmons regrets ever inviting Donut into his space, like he does every interaction with Grif’s effervescent roommate. Donut’s beauty regimen has already colonized his dresser and he’s evaluating outfits in the mirror. “Whatever Grif does with his love life is none of my business, or yours for that matter.”

“Uhh false,” Donut quips indignantly, his reflection glaring at Simmons. “Katya is absolutely my business because he was insufferable when they were together and for like a year after they broke up. The last thing any of us needs is more of that overrated drama queen in our lives.”

“Huh, well I’m glad we’re getting rid of all the overrated drama queens in his life.”

“Listen up,” Donut snaps with uncharacteristic seriousness. “You can shade me all you want, but if you don’t wanna lose him, in any capacity, we need to find a way to get through this.”

“Is she really that bad?” Just then, a breeze of long blonde hair and pomegranate perfume passes by Simmons’ door, her heels somehow clacking on the carpeted hall floor.

Donut’s eyes widen in fear. “We’re too late, you gotta go!” He rips his shirt off before Simmons can react. “Go! You need to get in there, just stick yourself right into Grif’s spac—“

“Stop, why are you like this??”

“GO!” With a growl of frustration Simmons strides out of his own damn bedroom and over to Grif and Donut’s. In the doorway is a tall girl in a sun dress who is smiling like it’s her job.

“Well don’t just stand there Dex, give me a hug!”

He catches Grif’s eye as he hugs her, silently mouthing “help me” to Simmons behind her back.

“Hi!” Simmons says loudly. Katya lets go and turns towards him, at which point he realizes his mistake: structuring his half-baked plan around talking directly to a girl. “Y-you must be Katya.”

“Hi,” she says guardedly, customer service smile tightening slightly. “And who are you?”

“S- uhh Simmons.”

“I see, nice to meet you! I’ve heard your name once or twice.”

“Simmons,” Grif interjects. “Is it already time for our dinner thing?”

“Uhhh yeah, I hate—” Simmons coughs when his voice squeaks “hate to steal him away so quickly but Grif has a very busy schedule.”

“Scheduled eating? Yep sounds like Grif. Mind if I join you?”

“Oh umm maybe? I—“

“Actually Katya, we were kinda hoping to do this one alone.”

She raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow. “I see, already trying to get rid of me?”

“Of course not,” Simmons assures her. “It’s just that umm, this dinner’s kinda important.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah it’s uhh...” Maybe it’s the conversation he just had with Donut that gives him such a cursed idea, but it’s coming out of his mouth faster than he can process it. “It’s kind of our anniversary today, so...”

“Oh. Ohhhhh my god I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to impose. Grif, why didn’t you tell me I was meeting the boyfriend?!”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhh...” Grif is very obviously not looking anywhere near Simmons’s direction. “Well uhh we don’t tell many people, it’s—I mean Simmons isn’t really out or anything so...”

“Understood, well I’ll get out of your hair. Simmons it was lovely to meet you,” she looks him up and down. “I can see why he likes you.”

“UHHHHHHMMMM okthANk?”

“We’ll catch up later, Grif. Maybe we can do a double date while I’m here. Happy anniversary boys!” And as quickly as she came, she is out the door. Simmons is afraid to look at Grif, not sure what his reaction will be, but then he hears a sigh of relief.

“Thanks, man, I owe you one!”

“What?? Oh, yeah no problem.”

“That was brilliant, now I can avoid her longer AND make her jealous.”

“Is... that the goal?”

“Obviously, I want her to see how much better my life is without her in it.”

“Oh, well glad I could help.”

“So what’s our backstory?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well I hate to say it but you’re roped into this for the rest of the weekend now. If we’re doing the fake boyfriend thing, we need to commit.”

Donut chooses that moment to come racing out of Simmons’s room and into his and Grif’s. “Is she gone? Oh thank god, I can’t find my eyeliner.”

“You threw it out because it kept clogging your sharpener.”

“Shit, you’re right. Welp, guess Lorenzo loves me for my great personality because his parents will never believe I bagged a 10 otherwise.”

“Yes because your personality is surely your best attribute.”

“You’re right,” Donut concedes absently. “I should just cancel.”

Grif groans. “Oh c’mon, I was just kidding. Mostly. Why not just use that green stick?”

Donut looks at him like he suggested drinking toilet water. “You want me to use my colour corrector. As eyeliner.”

“Desperate times, dude. Of course you could just go without it because literally zero people care besides you but honestly just do whatever gets you to go away.”

“I see your visit with Katya went well.”

“Don’t start with me Donut.”

“Okay, geesh, can you eat something please? Hangry Grif is like the worst of all Grifs.”

With a brief flash of his middle finger, Grif grabs his shower kit and walks into the hallway, looking Simmons up and down. “Is that what you’re wearing?”

“For what?”

Grif grins at him slyly. “Well if you’re taking me out we’re doing it right.”

No sooner does he leave Simmons in his bewilderment than Donut turns around in shocked glee. “OH MY GOD I didn’t think you’d actually go through with it, you asked him out???”

“What?” Simmons sputters. “Of course not, it’s a fake dating situation, because of Katya.”

Donut just blinks. “Fake dating.”

“Yep, we told her it was our anniversary and that we’re headed to dinner.”

Donut blinks silently again for several seconds. “Unbelievable, you two are completely hopeless. I’m gonna have to watch you circle each other for the rest of my life.”

“Whatever, are you done with my room? Apparently I have to change.”

Donut goes into business mode. “Wear the maroon plaid button-up with the navy skinny jeans, no belt, and do something about your hair. You have 3 minutes before I come back in there for the rest of my makeup.”

“Ughh, fine.” Simmons makes a mad dash for his room, having zero interest in Donut walking in on him.

“Simmons!”

“What?” Donut catches up to him and speaks much quieter than he thought the guy was capable of.

“I know you’re not-so-secretly nervous, but don’t be. He feels the same way, I promise.”

Simmons wills his heart to slow and his breathing not to shallow. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Well you better figure it out because Katya’s less subtle than I am.” Simmons guffaws as Donut turns back to his room. That doesn’t seem physically possible.

But just in case it is Simmons moves a little quicker than necessary to change outfits.

~~~

Because he’s an asshole, Grif makes Simmons choose the restaurant for their not-date. He chooses a relatively inexpensive sit-down just off-campus that he’s heard Grif spout actual poetry about.

“Wow,” Grif says as the pull into the lot, only slightly sarcastically. “You’re really pulling out all the stops.”

“Well this way I know you’re not gonna bitch about the food.”

Grif turns to him in mock offense. “When have you ever known me to bad-mouth my favourite thing in the universe?”

Simmons stares right back. “Three words: vegan sour cream.”

“I said food,” Grif smiles. “C’mon, let’s go, I’m starving.”

“I believe it, cleaning’s probably the only exercise you’ll get this year.”

The meal plays out as casual as pretty much everything else in their friendship does, until they’re laughing about how they got into this situation and Grif says, “I didn’t even remember it’s the day we met.”

Simmons stills. “What?”

“Yeah, I can’t believe it’s been three years today since we became friends.”

Grif doesn’t seem to notice he’s said anything earth-shattering, so Simmons goes back to cutting his chicken. “Oh! Huh, I guess it is.”

“God, that Family Weekend was so awkward, who’d have thought the boy drunk crying in front of my door because he couldn’t remember where his dorm was would end up being my best friend?”

“Says the guy who was so high he just let me cry on his shoulder for an hour before remembering he was gonna go to the bathroom.”

“I have no recollection of that,” Grif blatantly lies.

Simmons snorts. “Yeah, like you probably don’t remember falling asleep either.”

“I mean, are you surprised?”

“Now? Not at all. Then? A little, yeah.”

They smile at each other a little too long, then realize how awkward that is and return to their meals. They’ve eaten together hundreds of times, several in this very same restaurant, but tonight feels different somehow, like something between them has changed, almost like an actual…

Simmons really should stop listening to Donut.

~~~

A shockingly familiar face greets him the next morning as he and Grif are returning from their 8am class together. Simmons blinks several times before processing the actual corporeal presence of his father in front of him. This is usually a dangerous response.

“Have you gone stupid? Shake your old man’s hand!”

“Sorry, Sir,” Simmons responds clearly and crisply as he shakes his hand. “I just wasn’t expecting you; I assumed you were still—“

“Which is why you shouldn’t assume things, Dick. I took the weekend off to see my child is that a crime?”

“Of course not, Sir! I’m glad to see you, what a pleasant surprise!” His father looks at him expectantly then at Grif. “Oh, where are my manners? Sir, this is Dexter Grif, Grif this is my father.”

Richard Simmons Sr. shakes his hand imperiously. “Do you have dinner plans tonight, Dick?”

“I do now! Where would you like to go?”

“I’ve made reservations at Sidewinder for 6:30pm sharp. If your friends aren’t busy with their own families they’re welcome to join us.”

“Oh, thank you Sir, that sounds great! Unfortunately Grif won’t be able to join us.”

“Yeah,” Grif chimes in with a chuckle. “Sidewinder is a little out of my price range.”

“Nonsense,” Simmons’s father says with a wave of his hand. “It’s my treat.”

“You’ll regret those words,” Grif rejoinders. “I have a very big appetite.”

“Aren’t you and your sister having dinner with your mom tonight?”

“Right yes, I’ll have to—“

“Well I’m sure she’s just as eager to meet your friends as I am to meet Dick’s.”

Fuck, he called Grif’s bluff. “You know what, I just realized I got my days mixed up my mom’s not getting in until tomorrow. Looks like Kai and I are all yours, Mr. Simmons.”

“Outstanding. Well I imagine you have class soon, I was about to give myself a tour, so round up the rest of your friends and I will see you both at 6:30pm.”

“Sounds like a plan, Sir. See you tonight!” As soon as his father is out of sight he pulls Grif into his and Donut’s room (which Donut always forgets to lock because apparently that’s not a thing in Iowa). “Hooooly shit, oh my fuck, shit shit shit! Whatdoidowhatdoido????”

“Simmons, breathe,” Grif coaches, sitting him on the floor. “You’re okay, okay?”

Breathing is a luxury for people whose parents haven’t shown up out of the blue to quash any hope Simmons may have secretly been entertaining that he and Grif could… that maybe Donut was right about… He should have known that was foolish, obviously he has to go home with his dad for break, and who knows what he’s doing this summer so it’s back with him and mom for the foreseeable future after that…

“Hey, Simmons, you’re starting to scare me, man, you gotta breathe.” His vision is starting to spot and his hands won’t stop shaking. “Shit, okay, Simmons, follow my breath, got it?” Grif puts Simmons’ hand on his chest so he can feel Grif’s lungs rise and fall. Not immediately helpful for totally unrelated reasons. “Breathe in.” Simmons takes in a shallow breath. “Hold it.” He holds it for less then a second before releasing. “Good, and in.” He breathes in, a little deeper this time, and when prompted holds it for about three seconds. “And out, good…” They repeat this process for an unknown amount of time before Simmons collapses sprawled out on the floor, somewhat calmer but exhausted. Grif lifts Simmons’ head and puts it in his lap. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Do I have to?”

Grif chuckles. “Have you ever known me to expend extra effort?”

He lets Grif stroke his hair absently as they stay there in silence. Eventually, he breaks it with a small “thanks.”

“Of course,” he replies softly. Then, louder, “you’re my meal ticket tonight, have to protect my investment.”

“Whatever, just come find me at six.” 

When Senior says “6:30 sharp” he really means that 6:20 is late, so Simmons and the Grifs arrive at Sidewinder at exactly 6:18. They are escorted to a table, and for a solid half hour Simmons tenses virtually every muscle in his body hoping things go smoothly. So far so good, until halfway through entrées when an unmistakable voice calls out to them promising destruction.

“Oh heeeey guys!” Mother. Fucker.

“Donut? What are you doing here?”

“Well tonight it’s Lorenzo’s turn to meet the family! My moms have been dying to have a turn prying him open and giving him a —“

“Donut,” Grif interjects pointedly. “Should you really be keeping them waiting?”

Mercifully, Donut for once reads the room and goes quiet. “Right, yes, of course, sorry to interrupt. See you guys later!”

Simmons and the Grifs try their hardest not to turn to Simmons’ dad at the same time, but all attention is certainly on him as he goes back to his steak, shaking his head. He takes a bite then resumes cutting the meat. “You know that boy, Dick?”

“Not w-well, Sir, he lives on our floor.”

“Well you’d be well-advised to stay away from kids like... that.”

Kai stills, then looks him dead in the eyes. “Kids like what, Mr. Simmons?”

“Oh, now, let’s leave politics out of it and enjoy our meal.”

Before Kaikaina can respond, Grif kicks her under the table. “Kai, didn’t you say earlier that you had to use the bathroom?”

Kaikaina tries and fails to explode Grif’s head telekinetically, then slams her utensils down and leaves the table with a drippingly sweet “excuse me, I forgot to wash the gay off this morning.” She takes her purse with her in clear indication that she has no intention of returning. That’s pretty much the point Simmons feels himself leave his body.

His dad coldly returns to his meal. Simmons looks anywhere but the table, and sees Katya enter the restaurant, because apparently everyone he absolutely doesn’t want to deal with right now has decided this is the hip place to be. Katya sees Grif and waves subtly, then notices Simmons and his father in alarm. He remembers then what Grif told Katya: _“He isn’t really out…”_ She mouths something to Grif, perhaps “do you need help?” (Maybe that’s just wishful thinking.) Grif looks to him, but Simmons has no control over his body right now, and this seems to make Katya spring into action and come over. “No,” he whispers without thinking.

Grif shovels the rest of his food in his mouth and swallows impressively. “I should probably check on my sister. Thank you again for dinner, Mr. Simmons, glad I got to meet you.”

“Goodnight, Mr. Grif.” Grif gets up and intercepts Katya, pulling her out the door where he can see Kai texting furiously through the window. With the last buffer gone, it’s just Simmons and his father at the table. “It appears I’ve offended your friends. Though I imagine it’s for the best; you have no need for friends like that.”

Simmons can’t process language currently. “Sir?”

Senior continues as if he’s discussing the weather. “Kaikaina practically announced her sexuality at the table, and Dexter may as well have with the looks he was giving you.”

“Looks?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, boy,” he snaps suddenly, fixing him with a pointed glare. “Did you invite them and that boy in pink just to cause a scene?”

“What? No, they’re just my friends.”

“So you do know him.”

Shit. “I—“

“Are you gay?”

His lungs slip out of his body through a hole in the fourth dimension and the rods and cones monitoring the edges of his vision slowly register an encroaching shadow encasing him. His cup was drained of all water about the time Kai left the table, so his mouth will have to remain inoperably dry. “W-what? N-no of course not.”

Senior pushes his dish away mechanically and lets out an enraged puff of air. “You always were a shitty liar.” He takes out his wallet, throws down a $100 bill, and walks out of the restaurant. Simmons can’t really see what happens after that, because tears have gotten in the way.

He wipes them in his sleeve quickly when he hears muffled shouting, then remembers that Grif, Katya, and Kai were all still standing by the door last time he checked. Simmons bolts to the door just in time to see Grif deck his father right in the nose.

“Ow! You hit hard for a fa—“

“What the hell is going on here?”

The four of them turn as one to look at Simmons, Kai and Katya managing to look somewhat apologetic while Grif and his father are unbridled rage. “Don’t bother coming home, Richard. I’ll send someone with your things.” And with that, his father walks out of his life, completely ignoring Simmons calling his name. Sometime between that and a group hug he must have started sobbing uncontrollably because his head is pressed against Grif’s chest while the girls whisper encouragements from his sides. He loses himself in the hug, feeling the warmth of his… well, not family exactly ~~not yet anyway~~ , but Grif’s sister, Grif’s ex, and.

And.

And the worst has already happened; nothing’s stopping him anymore.

“I love you,” Simmons murmurs into Grif’s shirt.

Grif gently pulls his face until they meet eye-to-eye. “I love you too.”

Later that night, Simmons threatens to break Donut’s phone, seeing as he took _video_ of his and Grif’s first kiss through the restaurant window, but when the video shows up in his email, he saves it to his laptop. Y’know, for historical purposes.

“Whatever you say, Simmons,” Grif says with a tired smirk from Simmons’ bed. “Can we sleep now?”


End file.
